Monday, July 30, 2012

The five questions every woman should ask before she gets in too deep: 1. What are your short-term goals?

While I await a response from Steve/Harper, I thought to share one more excerpt from the book... Over the next five days, I will share five questions ladies should be asking from their 'guys', of course - with my comments in bold and italics :D Enjoy

If you're going to get into a serious relationship with a man, you should know what his plans are and how they fit into the key elements that make a man - who he is, what he does, and how much he makes. These three things are extremely important to any mature, grown man, and  you have every right to know what he's doing right now and what he's planning over the next three to five years, to be the real, grown man he wants to be. His answer will also help you determine whether you want to be a part of that plan or not. You'll know to damn your emotions and throw up your much-needed red flag if he doesn't have a plan at all.

If he's got a plan, well great. Act like you're super interested and ask follow-up questions—be the inquisitive, enthusiastic detective that you are. Men love to talk about themselves. We do this because we know that in order to catch you, we have to impress you. So allow us to impress. The more inquisitive and interested you are, the more information he'll give you. Say things like, "Wow, how did you get into that field?" or "How interesting—what does it take to make that successful?" And listen carefully.

The whole time he's talking, you should be evaluating whether he's actually working hard to meet his goals or if he's a lazy dreamer just talking a whole lot of nonsense - trust me, there are a lot of guys like this out there these days... all mouth and no action. You should also be figuring out if you see yourself in that short-term plan; if you know what his plan is, you can immediately assess if you want to be part of it and what role you can play in it, or if you need to remove yourself from that equation.

For instance, if he says, "I'm a technician for the cable company - or a roadside mechanic , but I'm going to college at night to earn my B.Sc in engineering so that I can move up the ranks at my job," then you know this guy has a plan and he's executing it. Maybe you can even see yourself helping him study or being there for him at graduation and giving him suggestions for how to transform himself from the blue-collar worker who installs the cable to the engineer who helps build the technology for the cable company. The point is, he has a plan and he's working toward it, which means that he's trying to be the man he wants to be—the kind that just might fit in line with what you're looking for in a good, solid mate.

But if you ask him what his short-term goals are, and he tells you something crazy, like "I'm in street pharmaceuticals, and right now I have one block but my goal in the next few years is to have ten blocks on the west side from Henry Street to Brown Street," well, then you know right then and there that you can go on ahead and keep it moving. The same applies to the man who states his short-term goals, but clearly has no plan to implement them. It goes without saying that the same applies to the guy who spends all his time sending scam emails and tricking buyers on eBay... you and your kids will be dying of hunger 15 years down the line!

For instance, if he says his dream is to be a producer, but he's not doing anything in the field to actually become one—he's not interning or working for a film company, he's not writing or reading any scripts, he's not making any connections in the industry that might open some doors for him, he hasn't worked for four months and has no prospects of a job in the field he says he's interested in, he is sleeping till 9am on Mondays and going to bed early as 6pm—then you know this man doesn't have a plan. And if he doesn't have a plan, he's not going to achieve his short-term goal—or it's really not a goal, he's just talking out of his behind.

If he says he's a Yahoo boy, well then - God help you!

Either way, you may not want to sign up for his plan. Just stick to your own. Sure, there's a chance that he might get it together and make it in the industry, but why do you have to sign up for that? If he's got this whole pie-in-the-sky dream, figure out if he's lying there looking at the stars, or if he's got a jet pack strapped to his back and he's about to take off to go grab that dream.

Sound off on your thoughts below...

Source: Act like a lady, think like a man

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