Friday, May 17, 2024

For Daddy, at 61

My dad's smile lit up rooms and was one of his most attractive features.

“As for grief, you'll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you're drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it's some physical thing. Maybe it's a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it's a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive.” - r/gsnow

During the deepest depths of the waves of grief that followed my dad’s death, I sometimes caught myself wishing he hadn’t been such a good father.

You might ask why I would think such a foolish thing. Well, my grief-addled reasoning was that I wouldn’t be in so much pain or be taking such a dim view of life without him if he hadn’t been such an important part of my life to begin with.