Saturday, February 16, 2013

How can you follow God's plan about Sex? (4/4) - by Ola Joseph Kolawole

(Ed. Note) Please accept my apologies for not uploading this piece yesterday. I spent 3-4 productive hours watching TV (with Joseph Fayese) at the office of an extortionist arm of the Lagos State Government. Please see below the concluding part of our Sex Chronicles. Read and be blessed.

Guys, we need to be honest. Staying sexually ‘pure’ in today’s society is difficult – very difficult. Nearly everything in popular media bombards us with the idea that sex is just a physical act; that it can, and should be enjoyed by everyone – as often as possible, with as many partners as possible. So far as the ‘world’ is concerned, there is no reason to reserve sexual relations for your spouse. In spite of all this pressure, if there’s one thing you’re going to take away from this series of notes, let it be the following:

Although it is difficult to stay pure in our present society, IT IS POSSIBLE. [Matthew 5:8, 1 Corinthians 10:13].


First of all, it starts with a burning DESIRE to please God, and to dedicate ourselves to following His word and not popular culture or emotions. 

While I can tell you from experience that this is a good starting place – there is still a need to discuss practical methods to defend ourselves from attacks against our desire to please God.

On a practical note, the key is to set personal boundaries BEFORE you get into a tempting situation. As any normal human can confirm – it is very difficult to make good choices about sexual behavior in the heat of the moment. Sexual activity is like a freight train: it may take a long time to get started, but once it is moving – it becomes extremely hard to stop it. I would like us to think through a set of questions together:

#1.    How will I dress? This is mostly for the young ladies out there. And surely, you know that I do not mean mundane questions like “will I wear the blue top or the green one?” I am coming at that from a more serious perspective, and I mean: what principles will guide my choices of clothes – at the point of purchase and in the mornings/evenings when I dress up?
Let us be honest. The trend in fashion today is for ladies to dress in manners that show more skin than ever before. If the midriff is not exposed and the pants are not hanging low, it is not trendy; if the cleavage is not showing in a tantalizing manner – it is not trendy. What we need to understand is such clothes send out an invitation for people (guys in particular) to look at your body. And when full-blooded young men look, they’re going to look some more – and then their thoughts are going to turn to how they can do more than look. At the risk of sounding prudish, I want to quote from Paul: “I also want women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety…” – I Timothy 2:9

When you choose what to wear – go ahead and be fashionable – but dress modestly.

#2.    What will I allow my eyes to see? It is widely known that guys are “turned on” largely by what comes into their minds ‘visually’. The very existence of the pornography industry bears testimony to that. Guys who are determined to follow God’s laws regarding sexuality must choose carefully what images their eyes look upon.

“I will set before my eyes no vile thing. The deeds of faithless men I hate; they will not cling to me.” – Psalm 101:3
I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a girl.” -Job 31:1

If a guy is serious about staying sexually pure, he NEEDS to make a covenant with his eyes!
(Ed. Note) We are not just talking hardcore pornography here. Soft-core porn easily found in series like Spartacus, Game of Thrones and most Western Movies these days is equally capable of setting off ‘dangerous’ thoughts.
#3.    How far is too far? As a teenager, I wished for a definitive answer to this question. How far is too far? What is the place of kisses, side hugs, full hugs, cuddling, holding hands, 24-hour ‘2go-ing’ or ‘BBM-ing’?

What I discovered as I grew was that in order to guarantee that I would not cross the line into areas that were clearly detrimental to my relationship with God – I needed to draw the line a few steps back from where I absolutely needed to stop.
  Those of us in relationships need to remind ourselves that:
  • Nothing good happens after 11:00 pm…LOL.
  •  Bedroom is off limits.
And beyond these, both parties need to critically assess themselves, identify the situations that cause them to be tempted – and jointly create boundaries that keep them far from these situations.
A couple other questions that I will not explore in detail, but which you might want to meditate upon are:
  • What sort of music will I listen to?
  • What role will alcohol or other drugs play in my life?

What will I do when temptation is too strong? (Note: not if, but when – for such times MUST come).

No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it. – I Cor. 10:13

God will always provide a way out – but it will require a lot of strength and integrity on our part to take it! Think about Joseph for a second… When Potiphar’s wife handed him a direct invitation to her bed, he did not stay and argue. He did not preach the word to her and try to convince her that it was wrong to cheat on her husband. He ran. He got out!

Having said this much, what change is the Holy Spirit prompting you to make?
Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. – Psa 139:23

Is there anything you need to change?
  • A current relationship?
  • Get rid of some immodest clothing?
  • Trash some videos/music that corrupts your thinking?
  • Set ground rules for future dating relationships?
  • Move out of that brother’s apartment?

In Closing, God still renews and restores!

The good news is that God can restore your purity through repentance.

 “Come now, let us reason together,” says the LORD. “Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool. If you are willing and obedient, you will eat the best from the land; but if you resist and rebel, you will be devoured by the sword.”  Isa. 1:18-20

Jesus said, “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.” My prayer for you is that you give God this area of your life, and allow Him to work in you to purify you from past sin, and to keep you holy today and through the future.

In Conclusion. . .
Every DEED produces a SEED. You will soon become a Father or a Mother. That ADDICTIVE TRAIT that you permit now will be passed down as a SEED to your OFFSPRINGS. . .and they will take it EVEN FARTHER!
God bless you.

Ola Joseph Kolawole (

1 comment:

  1. I have been so much blessed by these sex series, thank you so much Koye.